Before I left the States I bought a fetching blond wig .... human hair, good quality, nice bob cut. Why, dear reader? I have nada hair--hair that's not only fine but not much of it and curly, like a baby's first head of hair.
I was going to reinvent myself in Argentina, a place where no one knew me in my sparse hair condition. I would see if my hair fantasies were true--that nice hair would turn heads, get me more tango dances, make me feel sexy.
So last night I wore it to a milonga (tango dance), with a blood red silk rose attached. I felt much bolder than my normal self. I did the "eye thing" where, for those of you uninitiated into tango lexicon, is where you look around the room, catch a man's eyes, and if he nods, he's your next partner.
Well .... a man with the body of a cat and dark curly hair claimed me. He was a very sensual dancer, with dramatic pauses and Spanish words whispered into my ear. And then he did it. He tenderly cupped the back of my neck and grasped my hair gently, (or rather the hair of someone from India).
I froze. Well, in my mind I froze. Please God, make him take his hand off my neck.
I began to plan what I would do if my wig fell off in the middle of the dance floor. There was only one sensible course of action: If the wig lands on the floor, I'm out the door. But do I stop and pick it up before I run out? After all, I did pay $800 for it.
If I reach up and remove his hand, will he walk away and leave me alone on the floor, in tango pergatory? Will this song never end?
Luckily, dear reader, the clasp, combs and elastic kept the bob in place. I didn't have to deal with a shameful unveiling of my follicularly challenged real hair. It would have looked really super bad too, wig hair being the equivelant of hat hair, only worse.
But to prevent a repeat performance, I never locked eyes with Mr. Hands-on-My-Neck the rest of the night.